Is there really a choice?

For those of us who have D.I.D., it can seem like there is no choice. We come from a certain background, where we (and our parts) were told we were born for a certain purpose. Even if we, the "core" or "main" (or whatever you want to call it) choose life, it can be heartbreaking, frustrating and defeating to find out that we are also involved in shady, immoral, or dangerous behavior when we loose time to other parts of ourselves.

We were taught as children that we didn't have a choice, sometimes directly but also through experience. We were small then, and helpless....but as we have grown, we haven't realized that our power has grown too. Truly, there is a choice. Sometimes its more complicated to find the choice for us than it would be if we were not divided in our minds, but there is always a choice.

Here's an example from my life-

Both myself and my roommate have DID. We both are involved in intensive therapy & are both Christians, who want to honor God in our lives. Not all of our parts feel the same way. For years we have both had a history of our parts going out at night and getting involved in situations that we ourselves do not approve of for our own lives. It has always felt like we didn't have a choice. We would go to sleep, then wake up in the morning sore, not understanding why, only to eventually find out what had really gone on. Where is the choice in that?

But now, we have a system in place to give us a choice.  When we moved in together, we basically fortified our apartment. I will have more on how in another post, so those that need it could duplicate it if needed. But basically, every night before bed, we "lock up"- we make sure all the doors and windows are locked from the inside with two locks- both mine and hers. Neither one of us could leave the house without breaking something, or without the other one's help. (we have a big rock standing by for fire safety, don't worry!)

Its not a conventional choice, for sure. Its not even a convenient choice. We both have to be home, awake, together every night. We can't go to bed early if the other is at work. We can't spend the night out, even for a holiday or vacation. We have to be careful, and observant. But now we have a choice. Our bodies don't get hurt, our parts don't get re-traumatized. And that, my friends, is worth it.

If you have DID, you are creative. Hands down. Your brain couldn't have reacted that way to trauma if you weren't. Having a choice, then, boils down to using that creativity in a new way- because there always is a choice!